By Lisa Stokes Nicholas
After working on more than six dozen mergers and countless workplace conflicts I remain stunned by one basic fact. When people are seen, heard, valued, and their needs acknowledged, they are willing to find room to move forward. Even when their needs can't or won't be met. Even when agreeing to "no" is costly to them on a personal or professional level.
To be clear, I am not saying that you need to have sharing circles in your lunch room or pass around a talking stick at staff meetings in order to lead effectively. While those tools are helpful in some settings, they are not a fit for most American workplaces. No, I am talking about using no nonsense tools that even the most driven, "Type A" person can get behind.
Seen and heard simply means listening and reflecting back the situation, the behavior, and the impact, objectively, like a scientist in a lab. Here is an example - "Dan it sounds like you are saying that your team will not meet its budget goals if they do not receive the software by the 31st?" Instantly, Dan's blood pressure goes down because he knows that you are seeing things through his eyes, even if you don't agree with him. This conveys value.
We acknowledge someone's needs when we let them know we understand WHY the situation matters. For example, "Dan I know your team is really proud of their budget track record and this delay may impact that." Boom. There it is. You told Dan that you understand his team's need for recognition and met that need without using a single scary feeling word.
While these tools are a great start for addressing 1-1 conflict, leaders need additional tools to really leverage system wide conflict to grow the organization. To learn more about how to harness conflict to springboard your organization forward, please join us for this six week webinar series, "The Leaders Role in Transforming Conflict"